So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I look better un-naked...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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