I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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