I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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