The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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