my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He shit in the fireplace
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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