There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
