I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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