also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize