She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
