smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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