I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
