thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
