I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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