so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
