I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
