hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
