Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize