If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize