Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
