Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
