Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize