i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
