Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize