you would pick up someone in the library
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
