The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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