Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
