I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
