We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
