Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
