you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
