i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
