i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
