I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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