there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
