He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
