hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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