I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
