If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
