I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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