Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
