She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
