the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
