and you said cock pushups were impossible
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Dicks are not precious.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
