First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
