sarcasm needs its own font
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
