I accidentally burped into my bong.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He better not be in your backpack
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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