Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
