Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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