Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
