Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
