The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
