i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
