it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I understand Curling. That high.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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