Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
