There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
