My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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