There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think my tv is drunk
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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