i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
