so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
