I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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