I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
