If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
