3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
