even my farts smell like vagina
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
