Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
