I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
