I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
