Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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